I spoke to you today and it was wonderful to hear your voice. You gave me a glimps- 15 wonderful seconds of recognition. "How are you honey?" I answered, "Ok Mom I am still in Myrtle Beach with Jordan (my three year old daughter) and my in laws." Your voice sounded warm and caring-alive. Then I asked how you are and you turned. Your tone changed on a dime and you sounded distant then shifted to angry in three words..."I don't know..." and you began to tell me that you do not belong there. I listened the best I could and at one point held the phone away from my ear as your anger spewed at me. All the time I chant in my head that you are sick and do not know what you are saying to me. I hang on until you run out of fuel and you say to me that "you don't care about me you have your little girl now." I say, "I love you Mom" and you pause I say I love you again and you say good-bye. The empty dial tone echoing in my ear.
We have been playing this scene over and over for the last week and a half since you entered the Elms (a 24 hr care facility for dementia and alzhimers patients). I am assured by the staff and our family that you will aclimate and that it is good for you to hear from me. I am not so sure right now. But I will keep the faith Momma that somewhere you remember you love me and how much I love you.
Love you always,
Pamela
